Last month I went on about how beautiful snow is. I wrote about how I couldn’t live in a place without snow.
However, this grizzly muck is what we look at most of the winter.
Blech.
This month was largely uneventful. I kept to my writing schedule. A reading of my screenplay with some Chicago actors last week revealed to me that my script needed a deep rethink. I had a couple of days of wondering if it was really wise for me to devote so much time to writing. But I bucked myself up, brushed myself off, and now I’m starting in again. I want to exist in that sublime state where I concern myself only with the process. And leave the outcome to fate.
I know a few writers - I’m thinking of one in particular - who seem to exist in/on that plane most of the time. I want to be this way. I’m mostly there.
I’ve never wanted spring to arrive so much. I’m tired of walking on ice. I’m tired of worrying about falling while I go to the Post Office or the bank. This is the time of year I deeply long to live in Los Angeles again. On the other hand, it’s in the 90s there right now. That’s unpleasant too. Sometimes I think we’ll move back to L.A. just in time for the full catastrophe.
Okay, let’s talk about books and movies. I only read two and a half books in February. I’m reading fewer books, but more times. Ha. I’m trying to be careful with what I read. I’m more promiscuous with what I watch, I suppose.
These are the books I read:
Feb. 2015
1. Rosiland Franklin & DNA, written by Anne Sayre
2. Mother Nature: Maternal Nature and How They Shape the Human Species, written by Sarah Hrdy
3. Silas Marner, written by George Eliot (1/2 way through)
I read the Franklin book so slowly. Once, and then again: underlining, highlighting. Sayre is the kind of writer I wish I were. Clear, concise and elegant. My husband is a trained scientist in the area of protein crystallography, and so this book about Rosalind Franklin was relevant to me, and made me understand much more about the process of x-ray crystallography. The misogyny that Sayre describes in science could easily be used to describe much of show business. Or probably any other business.
I’d read “Mother Nature” before. I’m really a big fan of Hrdy. For the first time since Letting Go of God, I had an inspiration to write another monologue while re-reading this book. I’d call it: Mother Nature: Prepare to be Uncomfortable.
I don’t know why that title makes me so happy. But it does.
I have never read any George Eliot besides Middlemarch. I’m only halfway through “Silas Marner” but I’m reading so slowly, it’s ridiculous, even comical. I listen to an audio version of the story at the same time. I have my large print book. Yes, you heard me: a large print book.
Okay.
Movies watched in February 2015:
1. My Winnepeg, 2007, directed by Guy Maddin
2. A Star is Born, 1954, directed by George Cukor
3. Still Alice, 2014, directed by Richard Glatzer and Wash Westmoreland
4. The History Boys, 2006, directed by Nicholas Hytner
5. The Way Way Back, 2014, directed by Nat Faxon and Jim Rash
6. Lust for Life, 1956, directed by Vincente Minnelli
7. Cake, 2014, directed by Daniel Barnz
8. Sherlock Jr., 1024, directed by Buster Keaton
9. The General, 1926, directed by Buster Keaton and Clyde Bruckman
10. College, 1927, directed by Buster Keaton and James W. Horne
11. Citizenfour, 2014, directed by Laura Poitras
12. Birth, 2004, directed by Jonathan Glazer
13. The Conformist, 1970, directed by Bernardo Bertolucci
14. The Homesman, 2014, directed by Tommy Lee Jones
15. La Cienega, 2001, directed by Lucretia Martel
Okay. Here we go. I watched Buster Keaton’s The General about four times in total. God, I love that movie. I hadn’t seen Sherlock Jr. since I was in college, and I hadn’t seen College since just after I graduated from college! The Keaton films made me miss my old neighborhood in L.A. I lived right in the area where Keaton was shooting - many scenes from Sherlock Jr. are in Larchmont, the shopping area nearby. I miss Los Angeles. In College, Buster Keaton uses the USC L.A. Memorial Coliseum Stadium, and even that brought back happy memories of attending the 1984 Olympics.
Sigh.
I guess I’m California dreaming.
I’d been waiting for the Blu ray of A Star is Born, and it didn’t disappoint. There’s no one like Judy singing “The Man That Got Away.” Now I want to see the 1976 version of A Star is Born with Barbara Streisand. I openly loved that movie when I was in high school. When I revealed my feelings in college, my fellow film students teased me mercilessly. (I probably teased myself most of all.) At that point, I hadn’t even seen the Cukor version. (And I still haven’t seen the 1937 version!) But now I’m ready to see it again.
I finally saw The Conformist, a film I’ve been waiting and waiting to see. It’s gorgeous. Hypnotic. And so influential. The female leads, especially Dominique Sanda seemed so young, I’d have sworn they were 14 years old. And no real attention is paid to the fact that they’re so much younger than their love interests. Maybe because I’m the mother of a 15-year-old girl - or maybe because I’m getting older myself - my radar for this is primed. And in ways that wasn’t true when I was younger myself.
The commentary track on The Conformist is great.
I also watched Lust for Life three times. Many people felt that Kirk Douglas was over-the-top in his performance. But I believe that what we know about Van Gough makes Douglas’s performance realistic. Van Gough was manic. He was un-restrainedly enthusiastic and given to great self-doubt and sadness. I’ve known people like this. Chris Farley comes to mind. And they usually flame out - which is so tragic and unfair. It’s what happened with Van Gough. So, for me, the Douglas performance was spot on.
Okay, this is a short monthly blog entry. Next month, I’ll be returning from a week on The Big Island of Hawaii and maybe I’ll have more to share! I’ll try my best to respond to anyone who writes in.
Oh! Wait! One more comment on a film.
The Homesman made me sad. For the first half of the movie, I was grinning widely and thinking it was the best film of 2014 and I had to rethink my list of best movies. But then, is just fizzled out. A major plot point that didn’t read true. And please, I cannot suspend disbelief anymore when a beautiful young woman character throws herself sexually onto an old, withered, unlikable, creepy OLD (did I say OLD?) male character. I didn’t phrase that exactly right, but I think you know what I mean. Jeez. Enough with that.
Let’s end on a high note. I thought Jennifer Aniston’s performance was wonderful in Cake. I loved Citizenfour so much I bought Poitras’s other movies - My Country, My Country, The Flag Wars, etc. I’ll try to get to them this month. What Poitras is doing is so important. I love her.
Thanks for reading.
March 12, 2015 at 7:32 am, snowdenlit said:
I find that I average out to the sublime state, thanks to peaks of arrogant joy almost precisely balancing out the troughs of desperate shame.
“Mother Nature: Prepare to Be Uncomfortable”. I like it. It sounds very you.
March 15, 2015 at 2:58 pm, fRED said:
Buster Keaton…fabulous movies. I wonder if your daughter watched any of these with you and, if so, what was her reaction? A few years ago, my son (now 19) watched “The General” with me and we were both laughing our sides off. The Keaton flicks contain so many classic scenes.
I was struck by your observation regarding your “slow” reading. I tend to read “slow” most of the time (but I prefer to define this reading style as “careful” rather than “slow”). I think it is good to mix things up occasionally. My normal Bible reading in the morning usually consists of several translations and commentaries because I like numerous perspectives (including ones I don’t agree with). But I am currently reading the Gospel of John differently. I read it entirely through in one sitting and now am going through it quickly day by day with only 2 resources. Once I finish, I plan to read it again using a different translation with different resources. (I hope I can stand this.)
Silas Marner… I read that in Freshman English in HS (I think). I recently read the Wikipedia entry on “George Elliot” which prompted a desire to read more Evans.
March 16, 2015 at 1:54 pm, babyhitler said:
Love your blog, Julia. Just saw this on Twitter… “16 March, 1993, Chishû Ryû died aged 88, famous for acting in 52 of Yasujirô Ozu’s 54 movies inc. Tokyo Story”
March 17, 2015 at 9:06 am, Matthew Stafford said:
Both the ’54 and ’76 versions of A Star is Born are guilty pleasures for me, and I just recently bought them both on Bluray! I’m waiting for the perfect time to watch the Streisand one when everyone is out of the house and I can really crank up the surround sound. One other thought… the SNL reunion. I have literally checked back here almost every day because I’m dying to know what your thoughts are about the whole experience! Personally, I was incredibly happy to see Jane Curtain as well as other very early cast members, but I was disappointed about the huge void of female SNL alum represented between the very early and the more recent cast members. Pat was such an iconic SNL character when I was in high school - at least as much as Wayne’s World or Church Lady or Molly Shannon’s characters. Regardless, I hope you had a blast at the show.
March 20, 2015 at 8:37 am, Julia Sweeney said:
Thanks for witing Matthew. I am waiting for the perfect moment (too) to watch the ’76 Star is Born. It will be so powerful, because I loved that film so much so many years ago. That’s such a special moment, watching a movie you used to love deeply, growing up and growing wiser (ostensibly) and then getting to revisit that experience…
As for SNL. The farther I get from the reunion, the more profound that experience was. I was mildly disappointed that I wasn’t in the show, but not so much that it made the experience any less enjoyable. I reconnected with so many people. It may have been life-changing as well (we’ll have to see on this one) because I reconnected with my old writing partner, Christine. We shared an office and have kept in touch only here and there over the years. Now we are planning to write a TV pilot together. I reconnected with other writers too. It made me want to be back in the swing of things in a deeper way. I felt that I was part of a legacy of a powerful show - and that my presence was both lucky and deserved in equal measure. Overall I had such a great time. I got to hang with Don Novello, who I love deeply. I got to say hello to so many people that have faded from my daily consciousness, and that now are back in it - vibrantly. I got to meet people I admire: Louis C.K. comes to mind first and foremost. I got to have a long talk with Bob Odenkirk, who I haven’t seen since he started working on Breaking Bad (let alone Better Call Saul.) It was all pretty great. I’m still exchanging emails about the party with Molly Shannon. It was so damn fun.
March 19, 2015 at 3:26 pm, Moira said:
Love your work & blog, Julia. Completely agree about “Homesman” - what a bizarre, alienating plot twist halfway in. I haven’t read the book it’s based on as I couldn’t face going through it all again, even though it’s supposed to have really good character development……just thought I’d mention a favorite book of mine on the period: “Women’s Diaries of the Westward Journey” by Lillian Schlissel (1982) - enlightening and fascinating.
March 20, 2015 at 8:30 am, Julia Sweeney said:
I’m ordering that book about women in the West right this minute. Thanks! Glad to see someone else thinking that Homesman was so promising and so deeply disappointing.Thanks for writing!
March 20, 2015 at 9:13 pm, Tasha said:
Been peeking in on your blog for years, Julia, and wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading about the books, movies and music that move you. Have you seen Ida yet? If not, consider adding it to your list. Regardless of what you think of the story itself, visually every frame of that movie is perfection. So incredibly beautiful.
March 24, 2015 at 12:38 pm, Kathleen said:
I just read your interview at the America/National Catholic Review website and enjoyed it. Many of the comments following the article were stunning to me. Maybe they shouldn’t be..I know better…but they are. Sigh.
March 28, 2015 at 9:56 am, fRED said:
Thanks to Kathleen’s comment I read your interview at the America Magazine website too. Thank you for doing the interview. I enjoyed reading it, and I too was stunned by the tenor of arrogancy in many of the comments. They reaffirmed my departure from Roman Catholicism.
Your remark about fond memories in church [“I think I most loved being in a candle-lit aesthetically beautiful church and singing with the congregation. I loved that so much.”] touched me. That is also a fond memory I share.
“… I began to take Bible study classes, and that was basically the beginning of the end for me. I couldn’t accept the comfort of the community of the church without being able to sign on, intellectually. And I just couldn’t do that.”
Studying the Bible for me has made it nearly impossible to be a Christian (there were other aspects that also influenced my leaving the RC Church). I now think it rather subversive to encourage people to read the Bible knowing that what they will encounter (assuming an open mind) is not the certainty that they expect. The confusion I find in the Bible along with the disconnect with what is being preached make it impossible for me to honestly go along with institutional Christianity.
From a writer’s perspective, I wonder how your Bible study might have impacted or influenced your writing.
March 30, 2015 at 4:30 pm, Kate said:
Oh there is that moment in A Star is Born when Judy Garland speaks to the audience and says ‘This is Mrs. Norman Maine,’ that just makes me have goose-bumps all over, every single time.
June 16, 2015 at 8:05 am, Julia Sweeney said:
I agree. I love that moment.
June 16, 2015 at 10:40 am, kate said:
I opened my email today and there were a skillion and one messages from your website dating back to March, waiting for me. Hey there Julia. Just a refresher, I read your story about the loss of your brother and I had just lost my husband and your enlightening article gave me comfort, and then we commiserated about movies. I have just read your list of Kubrick and I agree that there are some fine moments from him but Eyes Wide Shut left me Ow my Eyes!! Funny story, years ago when 2001 was in theatres, my friend stood at movie’s end and announced to the crowd “That’s one way of looking at it.” I must confess I was baffled by the movie then but over time agree with you, it’s keen, super cool and groovy.
Again, it was nice to get your blog again.
Kathleen Dierks
June 16, 2015 at 10:44 am, kathleen dierks said:
Cake was just a fine piece of work. I thought the content would have been sad, but it was not especially sad, although a bit of a train wreck you get the feeling that Anniston’s character with her quick biting sarcasm will redirect her pain and get through it all. Stellar performance.
June 16, 2015 at 11:11 am, Julia Sweeney said:
I agree with you.
June 16, 2015 at 11:33 am, kathleen dierks said:
: )
April 07, 2015 at 7:08 am, danielwalldammit said:
Funny how you are talking about ice. It’s just starting to come above zero here in the arctic and the ice is going to start to get very slick soon. That’s the biggest danger here, falling. For all the talk of polar bears, simply slipping on the ice is the big one. Eeek1
Anyway, I hear ya on that one.
April 25, 2015 at 4:16 pm, Hilary said:
I Iove your writing and book rec’s Julia! I look forward to your posts every month.
Reading “Why Do I Do That?” before watching “Going Clear” made me even more terrified of Scientology. It seems to be all about denial, extreme narcissism, rejecting responsibility (ie. thetan possession), “leaving the body”, etc — Like the core of the religion is to deny the true self, to defend against the pain of being human by literally denying that you are a human!
June 16, 2015 at 8:05 am, Julia Sweeney said:
YES!!! I agree - wow reading Why Do I Do That? then Going Clear! What an experience. I feel I look at everything a little differently after reading Why Do I Do That?
June 21, 2015 at 3:00 pm, Hilary said:
Me too. I feel like I should get that book tattooed on me like “Memento” to help in my daily life
I don’t want to impose on your time too much but I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you, Julia, for “Letting Go of God”. I went through a serious depression several years ago and letting go of my religion was a very healing and empowering part of my recovery. I think that so much suffering could be eased if people weren’t constantly struggling with “God’s plan” for them and whether or not they were screwing it up and invoking his wrath.
Anyway, I made a film exploring similar themes and how it all relates to mental health. I’d be happy to mail you a DVD if you think you might be interested and/or have time to watch it. (hilbot@gmail.com) It was recently reviewed in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/therapy-it-s-more-just-talk/201506/so-youre-going-crazy-hilary-dean
Thank you for your time! All the best to you and good luck in your writing!