In my day job as a lawyer, I participate in an on-line list serve with other lawyers who do considerable trusts and estates, probate, and real estate work. Serious stuff most of the time, but Friday is the day for posting humorous bits.
I laughed at this one, this morning, because of its combination of a bit of scientific literacy with humor:
Quote:
Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Perhaps some chemist or physicist could improve the joke by correcting the part about what makes Governmentium "inert" (To my dim recollection, it isn't a lack of electrons, but rather the fact that the various "shells" are full, that prevents an "inert" element from joining with other elements to form molecules).
I also posted a comment to the effect that many other large, private sector institutions (which are just as prone to bureaucratization, collective ineptitude, inefficiency, inevitable kudzu-like growth, etc.) have many of the same physical properties as "governmentium."